life is exciting & it's worth getting excited about

life is so exciting. i think i have said that three times in the past two days. but really. life is exciting. and it's worth getting excited about. 

not knowing what my future holds is exciting! before, i used to be afraid; afraid of what it holds, afraid i wouldn't turn out the way i always hoped i would, afraid that i wouldn't get my dream job, afraid i would never get married or afraid i would not be able to have kids. 

but i don't have to be afraid. 

so do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand. 
Isaiah 41:10

i am honestly beyond excited. 

you want to know why i am no longer afraid and am instead, excited?

i have learned that if you have a dream, it is never too big for God. in fact, He wants us to dream our biggest dreams and then circle them in prayer. because HE LOVES to make our dreams come true.. and in the most unexpected ways. 

our prayers shouldn't be just "God, can you make this happen?" but instead, God, thank you for making this happen, because i know and i have faith you will make it happen. it's thanking Him before the miracle, because you can believe He will come through and have faith that He will answer your prayers & make your wildest dreams come true. 

sometimes He answers them in ways we didn't expect or the answer is just nothing we ever thought of, but He knows. He loves to woo us! He loves to make our dreams come true. and He wants us to dream those big dreams, those impossible dreams, because then when He answers them, ALL GLORY WILL GO TO HIM BECAUSE OTHERWISE, WITHOUT HIM, THEY WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED. that is what a miracle is, is it not? something that happened that would have not happened unless God intervened. 

i am not afraid of my future. instead i am excited for what God has in store because i know it's going to be AMAZING. 

i am circling my dreams in prayer & choosing to turn my fears into prayers to make even bigger circles around my dreams. 

you should do the same, and then, be ready for anything!! 
in omnia paratus 

second year

Tomorrow I start my second year at Trent University. 

This year, is different. 

This year, I have a major declared. 

This year, I have chosen classes I am actually interested in. 

This year, I have friends who have become as close as sisters.

This year, I am going to put my all into every class, every assignment and every reading. 

This year, I want to get more involved.  

This year, I am praying circles around my school; the campus, the people and the professors.

And this year, I am declaring that God is going to do something big. 

Tomorrow I start my second year at Trent University. 

& I am ready for anything. 

in omnia paratus 

a valuable lesson learned

if you open your heart to hearing what God is saying, you can learn a lot through the experiences in life that you have and the situations you encounter. 

lately i have been struggling with keeping my mouth shut. i often times find myself in arguments or getting defensive and lashing out at friends and family. other times i find myself interjecting my opinions where they aren't needed or wanted at that time. as well, i always try and fix things that sometimes cannot be fixed and should be left to work out for themselves. 

i learned a valuable lesson this evening, oddly enough, through my dead plant. 

i got this beautiful, unique succulent from a friend's wedding. it was the centre piece of the table where i was seated. i was thrilled to be able to bring this plant home, to love it and nurture it while it grew. 

well, tonight i realized that my plant had died. i killed it by feeding it too much. knowing very little about succulents, mostly because i hadn't spent time researching or learning about them, i only knew that they didn't have to be watered very often. i know other plants are supposed to be fed once or twice a day, so i thought once a week would be perfect for my succulent. 

well, it wasn't. my plant drowned because i didn't take the time to find out its true needs and i kept trying to feed it when all the while it didn't need any water at all. 

through this experience i have learned that sometimes people [or plants] need to grow on their own, and even when i am trying to help and doing what i think is right, sometimes i just need to stand by and wait, watch and be there, instead of injecting my opinion, help [or water], when it will only hinder the growth of the individual [or plant].

also, by not taking the time to listen, get to know the person, or in this case, research about the plant, then what i think is helping, isn't really helping at all, it's quite the opposite actually. 

so, here's to growth in myself as a person & to my new plant which i will research how to care and love, very soon. 

in omnia paratus

our vow

jade and i have made a vow with ourselves this summer. a vow that we will honor and take to heart for the rest of our lives. we each struggle with stepping out of our comfort zones, jumping into situations where we don't know anyone, and avoiding going places where we don't know what will happen while we are there. but we realized, that with God, we don't have to be afraid. and if we know and learn to truly believe and therefore live life like we know we are loved by our Creator, then life will be that much sweeter. 

#jarbbadventures

together, we are ready for anything.
In omnia paratus 

The Day My Bestfriend Became My sister

so may 28th will no longer be just another day, but a day that marks when my bestfriend became my sister. 

i met jade in 2010, second semester, grade 9 business class. we actually graduated from the same elementary school but she was not on my radar. i had no idea who she was. she only came to our elementary school in grade 8, so i didn't really have a desire to get to know the new kid. (i know, i know. kinda mean). and so, when she got assigned to sit next to me the first day of that class four years ago, i didn't know what to expect. but to both of our surprise (or maybe we weren't so surprised?) we became instant bestfriends. we literally spent all our time together and quickly became known to be the ones who laughed too much, talked to much and were distracted/distracting often. 

Our grade 9 selfie, so cute. 

i remember and so does jade, how we used to send emails back and forth to each other all throughout class when we literally sat right next to each other. it was so fun to have our secret "language" and being able to talk all throughout class without ever getting in trouble:) 

as most everyone knows, i grew up in a Christian home. i went to church my whole life, but up until grade 9 i never owned my faith or really took it seriously. the summer of grade 8 to 9 is when i basically recommitted my life to Christ. but i still was not very vocal about it, people just knew. jade knew too and she came to youth with me every once in a while. everyone loved her and life was great. 

in grade 10 when my dad got sick (you can read that story here) was when my faith was really tested. but God provided and showed Himself so many times through that journey, that my faith and love for Him just grew stronger and He became more and more real in my life. jade of course was with me through all of it. as a friend and supporter, offering love and laughter when i needed to forget all the bad stuff that was going on. 

in grade 11 i went on a missions trip to Barbados and the same year i was baptized. God continued to be there for me and become more and more real in my life. but it wasn't until this past year when something changed. i became more vocal about my faith. i believe it was because i was spending more and more time with Christian friends who were so passionate about God and not afraid to share it with the world. i have grown a lot and i have been reading the bible more than i ever have in the past year. so then God placed jade on my heart. 

around easter was when my friend kayla and i really began talking and praying for our unsaved friends. doing so encouraged me more and more and really just affirmed that i needed to help them on their walk and allow God to really use me.

Kayla & I 

jade and i have spent so many hours talking about Jesus and what this is all about over the past couple months. i wanted to be so open with her and i continued to be vocal about it. due to my walk with God and all He was doing, as i was reading more and praying more, a fire was lit inside of me and a new passion to help my dearest friend come to know the Lord. 

the week of may 28th, i had been slacking a bit in reading and praying.. i was being lazy. but on may 28th when i had to go to the bank, i asked jade to go with me and we went for a walk there. earlier in the month i had downloaded the bible app for her on her phone. so after we went to the bank, there was some benches outside and we decided to sit down. 

jade and i are the type of friends that we can sit in total silence and be so comfortable and not have an issue at all. we just enjoy each other's company. and so we sat talking about a few things but then we just sat in silence for a while. later, i found myself asking her if she had read the bible lately. she said she had but it was hard. then we just started talking about all kinds of things related to that. the whole time talking with jade, i was also asking God to use me and for the Holy Spirit to speak through me. to be honest, i do not remember that entire conversation because God really spoke through me the whole time. whenever i talk about God, there's this fire inside of me that is ignited,  and my passion shows. and so i just got more and more passionate and finally i asked her if she wants a relationship with her Creator. if she knows that He created her, that He created everything and if she believes that He sacrificed His Son for her so that she could have a relationship with Him, then, does she want that. and she said YES! finally, after months of talking about things and saying she would want to eventually, she finally decided that it was time! and boy was i high on the Spirit. i felt so incredibly blessed to be a part of that experience and to be a part of jade's journey. 

my bestfriend became my sister that day. we are going to live forever with our Creator who is our Relentless Lover, who is pursuing us as a bridegroom pursues his bride. and we couldn't be more joyful! 

this journey is just beginning, jade's new life began that day and it is going to be challenging, painful, wonderful and powerful, it already is. but i know that God has such an amazing plan for her life and i am so blessed to be a part of it and a part of her story and she a part of mine. 

please pray as we journey together through something neither of us have experienced before. (her being new to the faith after living 18 years a certain way, and me for being a supporter and encouragement for my sister in her new faith!)

with God, all things are possible. and we are ready for anything. 
In omnia paratus

a passion and importance

my whole life i have had a passion for kids. i love working with kids, spending time with them and volunteering with the children's ministry at church. i babysit for all different families and i aspire to be a mother of three (at least). i cannot wait to start a family of my own, have a husband and children who all love and serve the Lord. if i could be a stay at home mother my entire life, i would do that. but as of now, i am in school to become a teacher. that way, i won't just be working with kids, but i will be impacting their lives in ways i cannot even imagine. but again, wherever He leads, i will follow. so whatever the plan is that He has in mind, i am ready for anything. 

aside from that passion in life, i want to share something that i have come to realize as being a huge importance. that is, praying for our kids. a couple weeks ago, i had an opportunity to babysit for a family from my church who have three kids; 2 boys and a girl. when it was time for bed, the little girl who is the youngest, just two years old, got so scared of the dark when i turned out her light. she cried and cried, and then her brothers said to me that she needs to be cuddled before she can fall asleep. 

well, i then went in her room with the lights still out and as i scooped her up, she clung to me so tightly by wrapping her whole body around me. i just felt so much love for her as i began to rock her and calm her down. i then began to pray for her. she was scared of the dark, scared of being alone, and so i just began to whisper prayers to Jesus asking Him to be with her, give her peace and knowing that He is with her. then i began to just pray into her life and pray for the woman of God that she is going to become. then she fell asleep in my arms, and i was able to lay her head down without her waking up. 

i just felt in that moment how truly important and how powerful praying for a child can be. in the moment, it is beautiful to be a part of God working, and to have God answer prayers right away, like He did with me. but in general as well, praying for and with our children is so vital. we have the power of influence in their lives, they look up to us, they listen to us and our prayers work. they will learn how Jesus hears all their prayers and we need to be praying for our children, as they will be growing up in this ever changing world with sin all around. the devil doesn't want our children to grow up as strong young men and women of God, he wants them destroyed, and far from God. we must not let that happen. 

and so, one day God is going to fulfill the desires that i have in my heart. the desire for a family, for a husband and children who all love and serve the Lord. and as He has shown me, i hope you all begin to see how praying for our children is important and influential- something we should do with them and something we should do for them. 

so, once your children begin to understand and realize how powerful prayer is, i hope you are ready for anything:)

in omnia paratus

the importance of prayer

prayer is so important, in any of our lives. prayer is an open line of communication with our Lord, our Creator. we can pray at any time of day, and say anything that we like. what i love about God is that i can talk to Him like He is literally there in the room with me, and that is exactly what i do. i know in my heart and my spirit knows that Jesus really is here with me, and so i talk to Him all throughout the day wherever i am. 

it has taken me years to get to a point where i pray, and pray often. for some people, praying is hard. they believe it has to be laid out, there must be a formula for praying to God. but it's actually quite the opposite. Jesus already knows your heart, He knew you before you were created, before the Earth was formed, and still He knows your name. He is with you and knows how you are feeling, what you are going through and He knows what you need even before you ask Him for it.

praying also is not just for asking for things, it is a conversation. we can talk to God about anything, but thanking Him for all He has done, and what He has given you is also very important. if you had a friend who only talked to you when they needed something from you, how would that make you feel? that's how God feels when all you talk to Him about is what you need, and then don't say anything the rest of the time. 

we must keep the line of communication open. conversation goes two ways, and if all we do is pray to ask for things, we are closing the line of communication and not even giving Him a chance to respond. spending time in prayer is so important, just being in His presence is so amazing. the fact we can have an open line of communication anywhere we are without having to do anything is pretty incredible. i mean, that's how you know that God is a God of love. He loves us so much that He sent His only Son to reconcile the relationship that was broken when sin entered the world. since Jesus came and reconciled our relationship, we can now talk to Him any time and remain in His presence. 

sometimes, i can't say anything at all when i am praying. i just sit still and listen. calm my heart and mind and just wait on God. other times, i talk so much and so fast that sometimes, i forget that He can talk back. that's why it's important to take quiet time in order to hear what HE has to say to US. 

also, first hand, i know that prayer works. when you do ask for things from God, He hears us and wants to answer our prayers, in His timing. even if our prayers seem silly, "Lord, please help me find my keys" or "God, please help me find a parking space" He answers them. and when He does, we need to remember to thank Him for answering our prayers. sometimes when we find a parking space after saying that prayer, we just think "YES" and move on with our life. but if we prayed for that, even though it was simple and silly, to God, He gave you that parking space because He loves you. we have to thank Him for that.

aside from silly things, God answers big prayers too. our God is all powerful, He is not limited to this world and the rules of this world. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD. no matter how big something may seem, God is bigger. He has the power to change any situation, no matter what it is. first hand, i have witnessed this. and sometimes it takes years, but when you are faithful through everything, God is faithful too. my family is still together and still here, even though we have been through some of the toughest situations. we are still here. God works, and prayer works. i have also witnessed healing right in front of me and been a part of praying for a person to be healed, and they were. that's how i know that prayer works and that God is real. 

i hope this post encourages you to work on your prayer life with Jesus. just know that even if you aren't praying, or communicating with Him, He's still with you regardless. all He wants is to talk with you, have a relationship with you, and He wants to give you the desires of your heart. all you have to do is ask. He loves you so much, He has proven that and He proves that over and over. 

once you open that line of communication, i hope you're ready for anything
in omnia paratus

in limbo

right now, i am in limbo. i am waiting for a few things to happen. it's so hard being in this position, but i know that God is testing me, testing my patience.

i am a person that likes to know the details of everything. i need to know who what when where why and how. i want to know how things are going to work out and what is going to happen next. right now, i don't know what is going to happen with a few things. but i believe that this is exactly where God wants me. 

if i am not told the details of something or if i am waiting, i usually will just go ahead and do my own thing or take initiative. taking initiative is a good thing in some cases; at work, with chores, homework, assignments, etc. but taking initiative-by not waiting on God, not listening to Him or hearing what He wants-and just going ahead and doing my own thing, isn't wise. so, even though i feel a sense of anxiety at this time, i am just giving these feelings to God, His plan is perfect and so is His timing, and i am so excited for what He has in store.

Lord, be with me during this time of uncertainty, I know your plan is greater than anything I can think of on my own. I trust you with my whole heart. This period of limbo that I am in, I know is for a reason. You are growing me and teaching me to fully rely on you. and I am ready for anything. 

in omnia paratus

Third Anniversary

today marks 3 years since my dad was diagnosed with Guilliain-Barré Syndrome. 

i remember it like it was yesterday. i was in grade 10 on lunch when i got the call that my dad was being transported to Toronto General hospital. we didn't know what was wrong. the doctors in Oshawa didn't know. no one knew. but there were suspicions, was it a stroke? was it the onset of MS? the signs were weakness, muscle loss, extreme pain, tiredness, the list went on. 

on April 8th 2011 my dad was admitted to Toronto General hospital following a spinal tap that revealed he had Guilliain-Barré Syndrome. (i will never be able to fully understand and define what this disease is. but it basically is your own immune system attacking the coating on your nerves, leaving them without that protective casing, thus causing extreme pain, muscle weakness, etc) he remained there for two weeks straight receiving treatment that was made especially for him. GBS is rare, affecting only 1-2 / 200,000 people a year. we had never heard of it before and the doctors were very enthralled with my dad. the student doctors were getting a real life opportunity to study a person with this rare disease. anyway, my mother remained by his side in the hospital for the first week without leaving and my brother and i stayed with our grandparents. 

the first time visiting him in the hospital

with GBS, it usually strikes once, you don't see it coming, you sometimes will never be able to pin point what triggered it, but it almost always is recoverable. if you catch it in time, you can get the treatment you need and be fully recovered 4 weeks to a year later. however, in my dad's case, it was not caught as early as it should have been. he was in the hospital for two weeks and then had to go to rehab to learn how to use his muscles all over again. he had lost all his muscle mass, as well as a lot of other weight from being in bed for so long. he looked awful and it was heartbreaking to see my strong, protective dad like that. 

after he was in rehab for about a week or two, he came home. he was never 100% but he was better than he had been at the beginning. then, with no notice, he relapsed. the entire process began again. he couldn't walk, he was in extreme pain, his muscles were not working. he had to go back to the ER and spend another week in the hospital undergoing treatment. right away, we were told this is rare for it to happen again. but that this could be it, after this he should be good and it shouldn't happen again. what we didn't know was that his condition was to become chronic. 

my dad went in and out of the hospital and rehab that whole year. doctors and neurologists then determined that my dad no longer had just GBS but that he has CIPD (chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyradiculoneneuropathy). even more rare than GBS, CIPD only affects 1-2 / one million people. CIPD is basically chronic GBS and means this relapsing will never stop happening and we have to do something about it. so, to this day my dad goes for regular treatments. the treatments are what brings him to a level that allows him to go about his life in the best way he can. he can function, but since that day three years ago, he has never been 100% and he never will be. the treatments every 6-9 weeks are what prevent the entire relapse from happening again, but the treatments themselves wipe out my dad for three days alone before they even begin to kick in. 

visiting my dad in rehab, with my brother

in sickness and in health

but through this entire process and this specific journey & roller coaster ride that my family has been on, God has been faithful. when my dad was in the hospital the first time, he was unable to work and my mother was not working either. my dad never was able to work at full capacity again and my mom lost her job all together. but, we never lost hope and trust in God. we knew that He would provide for us. our family never went without a meal. we never went without paying a bill. we never went without. even at Christmas time when we didn't have money for presents and just were glad to be spending it together, anonymous people from our church donated presents for us to open on Christmas morning along with food and money. it was the biggest blessing. literally, we were blessed from so many people from all over the place. it was incredible and the only reason we are all here and all okay is because of God's favor in our lives.

optimism is definitely key

i learned a lot through this journey, i dealt with so many feelings from depression, anger, resentment, confusion, pain. but through those feelings, God made me a better person. after all i have seen and been through, i know that i am only here because of Him. i never go a day without thanking Him for all He has done. my dad is the strongest person i know. he has taught me and shown me by example a lot about what i want in a man. even though my father is not 100%, is always tired and in pain, he still makes an effort to get up everyday, go to work, and do something with his life. through all his hospital stays and rehabilitation, he never lost his faith and never turned on God. i believe that is why God has blessed us so much. because, through any situation, He can make things good. my dad was able to witness to countless people wherever he went. nurses, doctors, fellow patients, all who looked at him with pity at one point or another, my dad was able to share with them about the King and strong God that was on his side. and that he would be okay because he had Jesus right there with him. 

my rock right here, love him

our journey is not done, life is still moving, God is still working. but we are ready for anything. 

In omnia paratus

where you lead, i will follow

those words are an anthem for my life. as well, the theme song for my fave show. ironic right? 

but God leads and i follow. in life, we are called to be leaders, but Jesus is the ultimate leader in our lives and each day we should surrender to Him. honestly, wherever God wants to lead me, i will follow. i am so excited for my life and what is ahead. there are endless possibilities and i have no idea what is going to happen. i can make my plans but the Lord will determine my steps and i am perfectly okay with that. 

i am almost done my first year of university, just four exams to go, and then this whole summer i have no idea what is going to happen. but i am so excited. i usually get stressed when i don't know what the outcome of a situation will be, but i am just trusting God and being open to whatever He has for me. as of now, i don't have a summer job lined up, but i am okay with that because maybe that means that i will be more open and have more time to do volunteering or helping friends out in whatever capacity. i know that i can make plans and try and go down paths, but if those plans are not meant to happen and if those paths aren't meant to be explored, then God will let me know. He'll put something in my way, turn me around, or whisper words to get me going another direction. 

so, i don't have to worry about the future because He holds it in His hands. 

i am ready for anything 
In omnia paratus

walk with me Jesus

My prayer this morning. 

Walk with Me by Jesus Culture

Author of the world, walk with me 

Ruler of the earth, walk with me 

Calmer of the storm, walk with me 

Healer of my heart, walk with me 

How I need You, how I need You

Oh Jesus, walk with me 

Light for every step, walk with me

Giver of each breath, walk with me 

How I need You, how I need You 

Oh Jesus, walk with me 

In Your presence Lord, there is peace, there is rest

In Your presence Lord, there is light that never ends 

In Your presence Lord, there is joy, there is joy 

In Your presence Lord, there is light that never ends 

i am ready for anything 

In omnia paratus

cram time

nothing new to report here heath wise. everyone is the same. only dad is slowly declining. he has treatment next friday, which will actually be my first day off after all my exams. 

but right now, it is cram time. for me, this is the last week of class before a week of exams. this is the time to study, manage my time efficiently and lose hours of sleep. honestly, i can feel myself getting sick and i feel like this always happens around exams. my sleep schedule is a little messed up but i am trying to get into a better routine so i do not run myself down. 

i know things will work themself out, just praying God will get me through these next two weeks so i can finish my first year with a bang! 

i am ready for anything (just sickness stay away please!)
In omnia paratus

only because of God

so yesterday we got some pretty crazy news. to some, these numbers seem like not that big of a deal, but to my mom and my family, they mean so much. 

as i have said before in a previous post, my mother's kidneys were at 21%. that meant that we were going to be starting the process of assessment to see if i was (am) fit to donate a kidney and also my mom would have begun the assessment and prepared for dialysis. 

well, last week my mom went in for more blood work and yesterday we were informed that my mom's kidneys are now at 26%! they went up 5%. there is no explanation for them going back up in percentage, except to say that it was a random blip for them being so low before. but i know, that it is only because of God that they went up in percentage. now we don't have to worry or even think about the assessment anymore and we can just focus on staying healthy and doing everything right to help my mom maintain her kidney's functioning levels. 

this is the news our family needed right now. to know that our prayers have been answered and that God has essentially extended my mom's life and gave us a peace about this journey, feels so good. i am blessed to be part of a family who is strong, even through the worst and most difficult times. and i am overwhelmed with love and joy for my Father in heaven who sees and hears our needs and meets them when we cry out. 

our family is ready for whatever God has in store for us 
In omnia paratus 

we will get a better picture soon ;)

a much needed friday

this past friday was much needed. i spend a lot of time alone; studying, doing homework, watching tv.. but there is just something about being surrounded by girlfriends who love and care about you. it's a second support system, besides family. and everyone needs that. 

on friday, my best friend came over to hangout and do my hair for a birthday party i was going to that night. i feel blessed to have talented friends. i cannot curl my hair for the life of me, last time i did, i burned my neck so badly that i have a permanent scar. it's so nice when i get to see my friend, since we are both in post-secondary school we have to really make a plan to see each other. but fridays have become our day since we both don't have class. it was awesome to hangout, talk and get ready! this is her finished product.. see what i mean! talent! 

that night, i got to meet up with another friend of mine to go to our friend's birthday party! it was so nice to be surrounded by girls who all have a passion for Jesus, talk and watch the movie Frozen. just being in company with others who are so sweet and funny is awesome and really good for the soul. i did not know every one of these ladies when i went to the party, but they were all so lovely to be around. 

and these two girls i am so blessed to know and have in my life. so happy God gave me them to go through life and university together. birthday girl in the middle! 

new friends are such a lovely thing. i can't wait to see and meet all the people God is going to put in my path. 

i am ready for anything. 

In omnia paratus

every day is full of surprises

when i say that, i mean that sometimes things happen unexpectedly. "surprise" sounds like a great thing, but sometimes surprises are not so fun. although, in my case, so far the start of my day has been a nice surprise.

every day that i have school, i have class at 11 and don't usually wake up until 10 or 10:30. it takes me less than 10 mins to walk to school so that is never a problem. today however, i do not have school and i woke up at 8:30! that was a surprise. i cannot figure out why i woke up so early, all that matters is i did and i have gotten so much done already, all before 11 am. 

i am enjoying this new journey that God and i are on and waking up early has allowed me to spend more time with Him and more time getting things done. i have always been the pro-procrastinator in my fam, but i am working on that. and i have found that waking up early feels good, especially when i get things done that i have been procrastinating all week. 

so, every day is full of surprises and i am looking forward to what else is in store for today. my best friend in the world is coming over today to do my hair for a birthday party i am going to tonight for another friend. i can't wait. 

i am ready for anything! 
In omnia paratus

most important part of the day

since i was young, my parents have taught me that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. we are taught that in school too. it's preached to us everywhere. but as students, breakfast sometimes gets forgotten. i know for me, i would rather get an extra 10 mins of sleep then wake up and make a decent meal. but now that there is an urgency for me to be healthy, the morning has become my time to set the pace for the day. 

a healthy breakfast is so important. not just breakfast, but a healthy balanced breakfast. this has been hard for me to accomplish, as i am more a toast kind of gal, and that's it. but lately i have been trying new things. for breakfast the past couple of days i have been having this combination of food! 

-orange juice 

-one piece of toast w/ peanut butter

-scrambled eggs with salt&pepper

-fruit (strawberries&grapes) mixed with yogurt and hemp seeds. 

preparing my breakfast makes me feel so good. and taking the time to make food i know is healthy for my body feels awesome. i actually enjoy preparing food, laziness has always just been the problem. but no longer. 

besides eating a properly balanced breakfast, spending time with God is so important in the morning. i am learning how much better of a day you have when you start it off right. stretching in the morning while praying is good too. you get your body ready for the day and you get your heart in the right place. it's been a great time and i am looking forward to what God is going to do with me now that i am getting my life on track. 

i am ready for anything. 

in omnia paratus

a new urgency

i struggle with wanting to know the details of every event in my life. i want to know everything; who, what, when, where, why and how. but i am learning that one cannot know everything. and i have to put my faith and trust in God for the outcomes of situations. 

right now, i am faced with a situation in which i do not know the details of. i need to start eating healthy and exercising. there is an urgency for me to start taking care of my body. firstly, because i know i should do this for my own health and for myself. but, like many others, i am lazy and i don't feel the need to always be worried about healthy food choices or being active. and secondly, i have an opportunity to possibly save a life. 

my mother has acute kidney disease. her kidneys are functioning at only 21% and they are dropping rapidly. her kidneys have been pretty stable, but at her last 3 month appt we found out that they dropped 8%, which is huge. 

upon finding out that my mother has this disease, i prayed about it and came to the conclusion that i would donate a kidney to her when it came down to that. i want my mother at my wedding and she means the world to me. this body isn't mine, it is a gift from God and if i have a kidney that i literally do not need, then i am more than willing to give it to my mum. 

but, since the recent drop in her kidney's functioning, the process of assessing whether i am fit for donating to her will soon begin. we have to see if we are a match. after, i will have my own team of doctors and psychologists to assess me personally. my body health and my mental health. 

this is why there is a new urgency for me to eat healthy and keep my body active. i do not want anything that i can control, to be a problem for me to donate. i don't know how this will all turn out. i do not know if i will be fit to donate, if we will be compatible, or if it will work. i do know that God is bigger, God has a plan and that God will be there with us through whatever happens. 

and so, i am ready for anything. 

In omnia paratus.